Soul Connections

It is the general belief that we humans are only granted a handful of people in our lives that we are able to have true, lasting love with. This belief certainly applies to myself, but it goes a step farther. I believe that there are only a handful of people in this world that I can even call my friend.

I think of myself as a good, fun person who can brighten those around me, but for the most part, it takes a while for others to see that. I go out in the world to meet different people, and always find myself falling short of a connection with most of humanity. With all of my awkward quirks--my whacked humor, my horribly unfocused attention span, my scewed perspective--that I can hardly ever break through communication barriers like all others around me seem so effortlessly able.

I feel I do not make friends. They are given to me. They appear only when it's time for them to come around. All the friends I have now, I did not work to build a connection with them---our connection just happened. It's as if it was there all along, and we were just waiting to celebrate it face to face. They are my soul connections. They remind me that I am human.

Today one of my connections left Savannah after only a sort time of our eventual meeting. Even though we'd known each other for a few weeks, when I heard he was leaving I felt a great sadness. I felt I was saying goodbye to someone I'd known for a long time. The sadness came on so purely and suddenly, I couldn't deny it was there. I cried as I hugged him and said my goodbyes. It was all so organic.

It was a beautiful sadness I felt. In all these dreadful months of apathy and stagnant motivation I've felt in my creativity, my relationships, my life, today was the first time in a good while I felt one with humanity. Knowing that I could have such a connection with another human, especially one I'd known for so little time, knowing that I could be so sad to watch this person go made me feel alive. I felt one. I felt the part of the world I've been out of touch from for so long.

I treasure you, my precious soul connections. You are my breath. You remind me that I'm still standing. You remind me of the love I have to give.

Message in a Bottle

I wrote this a long time ago for a friend that betrayed me. He and some other unnamed sources stabbed me in the back worse than I can possibly say. It all turned out to be for the best because the life I have now is wonders in comparison to how it used to be, but the hurt I experienced in the last days of my former life is something I can't forget. Even though he burned me deeply, I still think back to the wonderful memories I had with him and know they'll connect us forever. I'm putting this poem on here in the hopes that somehow it might reach him.

For Joey

In a week's time I'll forget your name
I'll forget your face and all of your mannerisms
I'll forget how you stumbled with eyes slit open to the kitchen,
pulling your falling jeans over your exposed hips

I'll forget the way you wore your hat--
pulling your free-falling mane to the nape of your neck
and perched on your forehead like a lurking crow

I'll forget the girl that stood beside you,
so quiet and peaceful in her simplicity.
And how she would stand loyally in one place with you
No matter how dearly she wanted to run

I'll forget the words you used to poison me,
and I'll forget the ones full out outstretched with love even faster

But I won't forget your bedroom floor holding onto me
that kept me from falling off the face of the earth.
Or your hands that held onto my head
to keep it from spiraling out of control from me

And I will never silence the sounds of the crashing
drums and the rippling chimes.
Nor ever unchain the reoccurring memories
that connect you to me.

Just as I am connected to you.