I am a Frankie Fan

Today I made the most delightful of rediscoveries--I am still, completely a Frankie Fan. It dawned upon me again when I put on my Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack for the first time in months. As soon as the opening piano chords for Science Fiction/Double Feature poured through my speakers, I smiled at the happy memories of applying drag make up in my mother's bathroom mirror, running up and down the streets of conservative neighborhoods in my fishnets and corset, and screaming orgasmically in the seats of many Rocky Horror screenings. I am alive few places like I am at a Rocky Horror masquerade. I arrive with my feet stuffed into black mary janes, my breasts stuffed into a gold sequin tube top, and my eye sight blurred by long, colorful fake eyelashes. I sing loudly and move my hips dramatically while I dance to show off my knowledge to any virgin who may be in the crowd.

I often fall into fantasies of what I want my life to be--how I want to look, act, and play. Rocky Horror Picture show falls so much in line with my fantasies. If I could live anywhere I would want to be a transsexual, Transylvanian curled by Dr. Frankenfurter's side, living only for excess and pleasure. I dream of lying on a black and white tiled floor in a psychedelic haze, covering my scantily clad body in a feather boa. I dream of taking center stage at a floor room show and singing soulfully about the darkest depths of my heart to a room full of adoring freaks. Because at Frankenfurter's lair, everything is a reason to to put on a show. I dream of smoky Zen rooms, orgies, pansexuality, half naked dinner parties--all the things that mean freedom to me.

I feel most of the time that I dream to be a work of fiction. I will never be able to be exactly what I want. All my desires of flambouancy, gender bending, ball room dance shows, free love, and never ending music and ecstacy are too wild and unnattainble for this world. The Rocky Horror Picture Show may have given me a great deal of unrealistic exceptations from a young age, but it is also the only thing that gives me a taste of the life I want. Whenever I go to a Rocky Horror Picture Show screening I feel like I'm being given a brief moment of my fantasy life. I'm in a place where many others like myself have gathered together to throw away their social norms and gender's confides for one night to engage in a night of unhibited bliss. I'm surrounded by a room full of people dressed to the tee in their finest homemade drag fashions, screaming dirty lines at the top of their lungs, stimulated at the sight of homoerotisicm and cross dressing. To love the Rocky Horror Picture Show isn't just love of a film...it's a way of life. It's a wide perspective on a world that tries to hold so many down. Maybe one day I will have my own Rocky Horror fantasy. Maybe I will be the owner of a secret lair like Frankenfurter where only other rich weirdos come to play. Perhaps I shouldn't resign my fantasies to mere works of fiction. After all, what does Frankenfurter tell us all? Don't dream it, be it.