Soul Connections

It is the general belief that we humans are only granted a handful of people in our lives that we are able to have true, lasting love with. This belief certainly applies to myself, but it goes a step farther. I believe that there are only a handful of people in this world that I can even call my friend.

I think of myself as a good, fun person who can brighten those around me, but for the most part, it takes a while for others to see that. I go out in the world to meet different people, and always find myself falling short of a connection with most of humanity. With all of my awkward quirks--my whacked humor, my horribly unfocused attention span, my scewed perspective--that I can hardly ever break through communication barriers like all others around me seem so effortlessly able.

I feel I do not make friends. They are given to me. They appear only when it's time for them to come around. All the friends I have now, I did not work to build a connection with them---our connection just happened. It's as if it was there all along, and we were just waiting to celebrate it face to face. They are my soul connections. They remind me that I am human.

Today one of my connections left Savannah after only a sort time of our eventual meeting. Even though we'd known each other for a few weeks, when I heard he was leaving I felt a great sadness. I felt I was saying goodbye to someone I'd known for a long time. The sadness came on so purely and suddenly, I couldn't deny it was there. I cried as I hugged him and said my goodbyes. It was all so organic.

It was a beautiful sadness I felt. In all these dreadful months of apathy and stagnant motivation I've felt in my creativity, my relationships, my life, today was the first time in a good while I felt one with humanity. Knowing that I could have such a connection with another human, especially one I'd known for so little time, knowing that I could be so sad to watch this person go made me feel alive. I felt one. I felt the part of the world I've been out of touch from for so long.

I treasure you, my precious soul connections. You are my breath. You remind me that I'm still standing. You remind me of the love I have to give.

Musings

Sometimes (or most of the time) it's easier to focus on the things you don't like about someone, and forget about the things you do. But we should all have learned the lesson by now, that the easy path never gives us the outcome we want.

And furthermore, if you have a problem that's causing trauma on the inside and spills over into your day to day life--those things can't be dealt with nicely. To make a drastic problem really go away, you must do something drastic to counteract it. You must do something you wouldn't normally do.

It's a lot harder than it sounds.